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Reclaimed independenceAround this time last year I was writing from my apartment. Well, if you can't already guess, I'm not there anymore. My ex-roommate (formerly best friend) had turned out to be a complete nightmare to live with. She had nothing but criticism for EVERYTHING I said, did, or felt. She kept me isolated from my friends, my family, pretty much tried in vain to break me down and make me dependent on her for counsel, companionship, like to where my life didn't exist away from her. She knew from the first day we were in that apartment that I was trying to scrape together the $150 needed to make a pet deposit to bring my cat Lucy in, but she turned around and moved in her large-breed dog! EVERYTHING in that apartment was hers! The apartment was practically spotless 98% of the time because I was the one cleaning it, while her bedroom was in utter and complete SQWALOR!
There was this one occasion in July, when she r
NothingI'm neither happy
no trace of emotion
that I once had
you stare at me
I avoid your eyes
I scratch my thumb
as I hear your sighs
the excuses I give
why I seem cold
you believe not a word
that you're told
I won't give the reason
you might as well quit
I simply feel nothing
that's pretty much it
The ThespianSweeping across the stage
in my character
as if they were
from the heart
into true emotion
crashing my lips
of my fellow actor
but keep in mind
It's not me
It's my character
when I'm on that stage
I don't exist
It Gets BetterIn my 19 (almost 20) years of life, It is apparent that as a young woman in america, I'm a lot of things.
for starters, I'm a twilighter. I'm also a Gleek, a bookworm, and a 2nd generation Trekkie. I am also Bisexual and middle/high school was pure hell! in 7th grade, I was being called a dyke when I wasn't even out to myself yet! And the torture continued through my freshman year of high school, and that year I tried to take my own life (still have a scar). The failed attempt helped wake me up that I was letting the pain and alienation control my life and that I was taking for granted the love and support from my family and what few friends I had. speaking of family, I remember back when I was about 15 and I came out to my mom, I was SO scared and nervous, when I told her I started crying! She laughed and gave me a hug, telling me not to cry and that it was nothing be ashamed of, and that both the male and female body is beautiful. Now that I've shared what I dealt with, I want you to
Feet in CementI've been staring at this mirror for about ten minutes now, trying to figure my life out. Sort out where I've been, where I am, where I'm going. I stare at my appearance, wondering how many people who've seen my family and guessed I was adopted. Hardly anyone has gotten close enough to notice that mom and I have the same eyes, assuming the red, curly hair was coincidence. The numbers on that scale go up and down like bipolar mood swings, but I fail to see any difference in the spare tire around my waist that's been there since I was 13. Standing there, full-chested but not enough ass to center gravity. I've never in my life felt pretty, but people around insist on it. It's not like I think they're full of shit or pulling my leg or anything like that, it's just when I hear them saying it, it feels meaningless. I dropped out of school for almost two years ago now, and there are SO many processes I need to take, but I have NO idea where to start. So many things in the air, all out of reac
My blade swims in a crimson lagoon,
It's feel tasting the blood slip from cold steel.
Dagger deep in my ribs,
The fire waters my eyes and leaves me with chills.
I rip the tip from my abdomen,
And wonder what’s real.
Goosebumps cover my skin, fingers muddied in dirt,
I rise from the heap and clutch the wound with steel might,
Finishing the only thing that can kill me…
reliefi sold myself to
the solitary delight of charisma
and saw the white devil
stretching his skin stainlessly
before taking off.
he was hovering for a moment
then he said:
"you won't be back
and she will never know".
blackout and screams.
4/19/14I have been looking at things a little differently of late
The something in them that attracted my attention
Or was simply present when my gaze first fell upon them
Shifts, changes shape and colour establishing a new mood a new form
Whether parlor trick or simple mimic of illusion
I know not or care merely victim of interest as to where
The path will lead me next, some new hell or forest
Caught in the folds of a jacket spread across a mans back
A grimace or a smile is quick to come depending on the length of time
Before the visions wear off and reality is once again still
For though I come back stronger I fear some day I never will
Come back at all lost in the mazes of the vines upon the wall
From Me, to YouHere I stand,
Looking at the world that I hold in my hand,
So much to understand,
Yet I'm just trying to live a life that I can brand.
I observe closely,
Looking for purpose mostly,
Trying to find a way to make everyone bliss, more than verbosely,
For longer than eternity,
For when I depart I'll just be an entity,
Hoping to leave behind pure quality,
For what I say is straight honesty.
Getting in touch with old roots,
But after awhile I go back to my new suits,
Losing it, like a baby losing their first tooth,
Feeling closed in as if I'm in a phone booth,
Meeting expectations killed the truth.
Only in time would we learn to regret,
For we all believe our future is already set,
I was given the talent to help you comprehend, there is always a reset,
But for some you may have to work hard before you rest,
For others, you may have to acquire a quest,
While others work their way up to knights from a lowly squire,
Yet the only request I require,
Is whatever category, when it comes about time
It Makes It All Too RealCan't blame the words
I write for you, ebb with ease
they've had a lot of practice; fuck
they're here because I asked them to be.
Bring to Rest My Weary SoulBring to rest my weary soul,
Let me sleep 'fore I grow old.
That hallowed place of swaying grass
Before my eyes shall never pass.
Bring to rest my weary soul.
Day is gone, burned like coal.
Now is here, but when I leave
all will fall in dreamless sleep
Cursed are you, my dreadful friend.
Can't you see I'll bring the end?
All is well inside your sleep,
My wounds are harsh, the cuts made deep.
Sing with me, my vengeance tune.
Fires clash inside the Moon.
Worried is your beating heart,
that soon from it all life will part.
Bring to rest my weary soul.
I want the peace, I crave the calm.
Voices scream inside my head
I tell them 'No, I'll sleep instead.'
My lips are cold, my heart so numb
I fail to see what I've begun.
While in this dark I see no light,
I will not give my will to fight
A goodbye kiss in my hair
Snowflakes fall while I stare
Finally it's come to pass
My sweet depart, this breath my last
But still the voices scream and shout,
'Set us free! Let us out!'
'No,' I tell them, swee
extremophileson a path we cut with strange
precision through the swarm
we thrive in places much too warm
for those with perfect skin
for we are not the normal
denizens who haunt
this vitrified collective
cut our teeth on cryogenics
and anodyne we tried to change
the outcome by re-measuring
but there are things that you can never learn
without complete surrender
without full capitulation
to an adolescent animal
so find a sturdy vector on the fringes of some phylum
complete the forms
and pass the quiz
and be set free to feast
on horizons once reserved for only
the greatest of we lesser beasts
Keep in Touch!
Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More