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Reclaimed independenceAround this time last year I was writing from my apartment. Well, if you can't already guess, I'm not there anymore. My ex-roommate (formerly best friend) had turned out to be a complete nightmare to live with. She had nothing but criticism for EVERYTHING I said, did, or felt. She kept me isolated from my friends, my family, pretty much tried in vain to break me down and make me dependent on her for counsel, companionship, like to where my life didn't exist away from her. She knew from the first day we were in that apartment that I was trying to scrape together the $150 needed to make a pet deposit to bring my cat Lucy in, but she turned around and moved in her large-breed dog! EVERYTHING in that apartment was hers! The apartment was practically spotless 98% of the time because I was the one cleaning it, while her bedroom was in utter and complete SQWALOR!
There was this one occasion in July, when she r
NothingI'm neither happy
no trace of emotion
that I once had
you stare at me
I avoid your eyes
I scratch my thumb
as I hear your sighs
the excuses I give
why I seem cold
you believe not a word
that you're told
I won't give the reason
you might as well quit
I simply feel nothing
that's pretty much it
The ThespianSweeping across the stage
in my character
as if they were
from the heart
into true emotion
crashing my lips
of my fellow actor
but keep in mind
It's not me
It's my character
when I'm on that stage
I don't exist
It Gets BetterIn my 19 (almost 20) years of life, It is apparent that as a young woman in america, I'm a lot of things.
for starters, I'm a twilighter. I'm also a Gleek, a bookworm, and a 2nd generation Trekkie. I am also Bisexual and middle/high school was pure hell! in 7th grade, I was being called a dyke when I wasn't even out to myself yet! And the torture continued through my freshman year of high school, and that year I tried to take my own life (still have a scar). The failed attempt helped wake me up that I was letting the pain and alienation control my life and that I was taking for granted the love and support from my family and what few friends I had. speaking of family, I remember back when I was about 15 and I came out to my mom, I was SO scared and nervous, when I told her I started crying! She laughed and gave me a hug, telling me not to cry and that it was nothing be ashamed of, and that both the male and female body is beautiful. Now that I've shared what I dealt with, I want you to
Feet in CementI've been staring at this mirror for about ten minutes now, trying to figure my life out. Sort out where I've been, where I am, where I'm going. I stare at my appearance, wondering how many people who've seen my family and guessed I was adopted. Hardly anyone has gotten close enough to notice that mom and I have the same eyes, assuming the red, curly hair was coincidence. The numbers on that scale go up and down like bipolar mood swings, but I fail to see any difference in the spare tire around my waist that's been there since I was 13. Standing there, full-chested but not enough ass to center gravity. I've never in my life felt pretty, but people around insist on it. It's not like I think they're full of shit or pulling my leg or anything like that, it's just when I hear them saying it, it feels meaningless. I dropped out of school for almost two years ago now, and there are SO many processes I need to take, but I have NO idea where to start. So many things in the air, all out of reac
parasitoidsit wasn't all that long ago when
dust jacket dragons still died of consumption
when electric myths still spiked
the swirling mysto
and we hadn't yet promised ourselves
to the most watched mannequins in the arcade
but hollow cities have stolen ours fangs
built from pre-plotted points and cut out
all that "stuff" in the middle
and those things that "infect" us
>>> parasitoids and host vectors
wherever the gonzo is goingwe've rediscovered ourselves
hugging the lamppost and screaming polemic indignities
"who threw the rock?"
"we caught the teeth!"
this bravado an asinine secret to keep
from the gerund ...
(we once lived in a building we've been living to re-build)
but now we hover wherever the gonzo is going
dodging indolent beasts with their
and drowning in it -
the transient nature of things
lullabies for the paralyzedparasites' plaything ---
this is stormy weather space
where lost vectors find bone
much more easily than land
where we hide from high tides
on our pulpits absolving the sea from incursion
and chastise mollusks for trying
to take themselves with us
in our bonds of kinetic aggression
in the ugly corners of our human hearts
there's a cabal still debating
last week's peeled potatoes
and the toy dolls in the attic
adding two and two to get one
ripe for re-enlightenment
we were given keys to the fuming abyss and we launched
our messiah straight into
In my DreamsThat crystal sunrise, oh so pure,
The flame of my heart that does light my world.
In life I labor, in dreams I soar, in light all is one once more.
Return now, to this place of worship,
The light of the crystal sun to guide your way,
So that none be led astray.
Rising ever higher,
Till I can see all the world,
And feel the glory of the sky.
O dream of white, release me,
And now I sleep, peacefully.
McManga McToon to Sketch a Mayfly DroonI tap up my touch screen in the year of grouch 2thou n 4teen
Bad I am not so in the how-are-U? department, dear Cindy blox.
in the detremble zone
I took in the morning star
n went a good 13 mil
beyond safe doze
of the sugar free zone
sitting at the back
of a class A day
going whiter than a dead hemlock
in a weather
which is at record performance
my lungs my death grails
cup up the cool black loch
n auld ghostie nessie horse
with er water proof I pad
drawing McMangas of
white forked creature in
the blue behind the mirror
0/3 - we rarely ever meetit's as if a horse
kicked you in the chest
and instead of a dented cage
you ribs flew out
right from your back.
this is what i need,
the hollow shoulder blades,
the fresh air when i move
and when i stop,
lie on the concrete.
i like getting close to things (and people),
then leaving them,
but the intervals differ.
fundamentally this is life
and never the return.
we may meet after goodbyes,
but we'll never go to the same place.
Il y a des toiles de lumiere sur Saturneje veux manger des cerfs courant sur les étoiles
fievreuses ; la nuit on crie au scandale - il y a des morts sur les fenêtres
et on ramassera les danseurs dans les halls des aéroports
celestes ; brûler les souvenirs des technologies nouvelles dans les fours
en Pologne. Il n'y a de salut que pour les sauterelles qui
chantent les louanges du Seigneur se cachant derrière des millénaires
il y a une amertume rouge qui coule dans les veines des intrépides
couleurs de temps, à se réaliser inutiles, esclaves entre deux rêves
d'enfants qui ne voulaient pas voir le soleil se rouler sur le ciel
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